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What seems to be a new explosion of gender diversity these days is actually the re-emergence of something very old: gender has never been a binary reality. Recently, the gender identity term 'non-binary' has been used by many people who are not male or female. Some of them are transgender people, while some not. Like almost everyone else, non-binary people enter the world accepting gender assignment but not following the expected path of gender into one or the other gender identity.While non-binary dating can be challenging, much of the dating infrastructure around the world is now organized around gender duality: apps where women can reach out to men, websites where men can meet other men, and so on. They are not shemales.
While non-binary dating can be challenging, much of the dating infrastructure in the world today is organized around gender duality. Non-binary people date a lot. In fact, they might be dating you! Here are some tips that might help if you're dating someone who isn't binary, especially on a first date.
Use neutral words with your people
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Unfortunately, most of the words we use to refer to our dates are binary: girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife. These terms may not describe your relationship with someone who is not binary.
Fortunately, in the past few decades, 'partner language' has emerged, with people using gender-neutral words like 'partner' to refer to people with whom they have a significant relationship. However, 'mate' does not reflect a more casual relationship. I've heard people use the following neutral words instead: lover, significant other, sweetie, new friend, date, partner, etc.
Of course, some of them may sound tacky and have the potential to be a half-time joke. When you introduce your people to others, they may be a little embarrassed. I'm all for accepting and overcoming embarrassment as much as possible, but a seamless social choice is to use neutral pronouns and words. Here are some examples. 'I'd like to introduce Simon. We've been going out for a while' or 'This is my life partner Gloria'.
This is not their first date
Fortunately, when you're trying to figure out what terminology to use for non-binary dates, you're not alone. Be open with your people and ask your questions constructively, which they may have thought through before meeting you. They have a wealth of experience navigating a binary obsessed world, including in the realm of dating and relationships. Therefore, if you are not sure, just ask:
How can I introduce you to the people in my life?
Are there any gender activities that are appropriate or inappropriate for you? Ask this question especially as your life becomes more integrated.
If we're together, what do you need from me?
How can we let others know and correctly judge your gender, including pronouns?